I was recently obligated to spend the weekend with someone that... how can I put this in a nice way... drives me bat shit crazy! Yes... that is putting it in a nice way.
Its not like it's the first time I've had to spend time with this person, I knew what I was in for, I even tried to prepare myself, to think of the experience as an opportunity to hone my skills and practice what I preach. And that worked... for about an hour... then I just got pissed.
I was being triggered at every turn... “why is she so judgmental, did she actually just say that out loud, how can she be so clueless as to how rude she is being, is she insane!?” I have a boat load of tools for understanding others, I coach people on how to deal with challenging people and yet there I was letting myself be pulled into her vortex of YUCK.
I might have been able to hold out longer but she started in on my daughter, telling her what to do and how to do it, guilt tripping and bullying her. Passing out thinly veiled insults to my extended family, critiquing their parenting, their cooking, their breathing skills.
It's not that she is a bad person, intellectually I know this. As I was contemplating writing this article I was considering the drivers behind her actions, the fears and insecurities that cause her to lash out in judgment, the inner turmoil she must feel, the pain that it must cause inside. And yes, I feel sorry her. And yes, I understand her behaviour. And yes, I could probably help her sort through a lot of it, were she open to it.
And yes, I do believe that when you are triggered by someone’s behaviour it's a fantastic opportunity to examine why, to see how those behaviours might be manifesting in your own life, what part of your own ego is needing some attention, what parts of your shadow are at play... but I digress, because the point of this story is not to give you ways to find insight into people that trigger you, the point of this story is to say... not in my house... not with my family... not around my kid... the point of this story is to say it's okay to say NO, cause BOUNDARIES ROCK!
You don’t have to accept shitty behaviour just because you understand where its coming from. (click to tweet)
Of course we all want to be more open and understanding, we want to try and make the best of bad situations, we don’t want to rock the boat or hurt people’s feelings. We feel obligated to do certain things, with certain people because we have to, but you know what... life is too damn short for that shit. And every time you create a healthy boundary in your life, you strengthen your confidence and your self respect.
Not to mention that allowing people to get away with bad behaviour doesn't do them any favours either, people need to be held accountable for their actions, made aware of how they are affecting others. It's the only way they can begin to take ownership for their behaviour, you are actually giving them a gift, an opportunity to examine their own lives...
Okay they aren't likely going to see it that way, but at least you know you acted in a positive and healing way... the rest is up to them.
Know someone that tends to forget that they don't actually have to put up with shitty behaviour? Click "share" below and remind them it's okay to say "Not in my house".