How to Build a Big Fucking Fence

A few months ago I wrote an article about boundaries. It generated a lot of response and the conversation hasn’t seemed to stop since. The need for boundaries, how to strengthen them and when to use them is an ongoing theme. It comes up with friends over coffee, we talk about it at the dinner table during big family dinners, it’s an almost weekly issue during my Tuesday sister circle calls and it’s a chart-topping favorite with many of my coaching clients.

Not long after I published that piece, the delicious Danielle LaPorte wrote an article that so perfectly spoke to the topic that it felt (once again) like she was living in my heart and speaking the words of my soul.

(Sidenote: If you’ve not heard of Danielle, you really should check her out. My first response when I found her… resonance and reverence. And some serious awe.)

Her article speaks to navigating the balance between keeping an open, loving heart, while still protecting yourself from negative people. Many of us want to live in deep connection with our hearts and we want to stay open -- open so we can truly connect with others. But how do we do that when not everyone around us is coming from the same loving place?  

How do you remain open at Thanksgiving dinner when your passive aggressive sister-in-law is passing barbed compliments along with the mashed potatoes? Or when your child is having a melt down at the grocery store and you so desperately want to remain patient and loving, but all you can feel are the waves of judgment crashing over you? What about when you’re in a crowded room with all sorts of emotions and energies flying at you and all you want to do is turn around and run?

We all find ourselves in situations like these sometimes and when we do, we have to remember that we have a choice: we can shut down, losing our connection to our own loving heart in the process or we can take Danielle’s advice and just create a Big Fucking Fence. In her exact words...

Open Gentle Heart, Big Fucking Fence.

 

The first time I read these words my whole body responded -- I could literally feel my heart soften as my fence went up. After years of working on my own energetic boundaries, specifically though my energy healing training, but primarily through a whole lot of trial and error (that’s the upside of attracting really needy people, you get lots of practice!), my body had come to a place where it instinctively knew what Danielle was talking about.  

I could immediately feel a golden bubble of protective energy shining around me, flexible and open enough to let love out, yet strong and steady enough to let in only that which was for my highest good… the stuff that was actually meant for me!

They were the perfect words, at the perfect time -- a solid encapsulation of my thoughts on the matter. Open, Gentle Heart, Big Fucking Fence. It became my new mantra and my default response to any boundary related discussion. Great. Excellent. Done.

Except one small problem: while everyone adored the idea (especially my niece and daughter, who delighted in my liberal use of the word fuck), not everyone I shared it with immediately understood just how to create said fence.

So recently, after yet another dear friend was lamenting the “how to” of building her fence, I decided to make a little something for anyone who needs a little direction on how to build their own big fucking fence.

It’s a short & sweet meditation to help you connect and strengthen your own beautiful, fluid golden bubble of protection. You can access it right here.  I sincerely hope it helps you keep your own gorgeous heart open!

Much love,